Bleeding Heart by Lynne Marien

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a bleeding heart

Tears roll slowly down my cheeks as the words you write dance and blur before me. Your sadness becomes my own, pressing down on my soul the heartache of us both. Forsaken are you, the forgotten victims.
And abandoned.
I cannot walk in your shoes.
I cannot know your sorrow, nor perhaps can you know mine.
But we are one.
One with the sadness.
One with the feeling of aloneness and regret.

Know this: that I will not forsake you. I am here if you need a tear shed on your behalf.
If you want someone to hear, to listen, my ear is just a whisper away. When you think that no one sees the pain in your eyes, I am somewhere in the shadows, watching. Weeping.

Like you, I wonder at a world that feels such pity for me, yet not for you. For my loss but not yours. And, even while I understand the reasoning, I know the wrongness of such singular concern and care.
We are not so very different, you and I. Not where it matters. Not inside the heart. Not to a loving and compassionate God, who sees, who knows. Who weeps also.

My son, Jim, was one of God’s young angels who wept too.
His smile, his capacity to love were inspirational to all who he touched while he lived his too short life here, in this place.
His legacy of love is legendary to we who knew him.
And, now to others who read his story… But there is another story.
Another side of Jim.
The one that made the smile and the laughter and the love all the more powerful.
Deep in his eyes lay a sadness, a puzzlement. He walked this world knowing that love is all important. Yet, he could see that much of the world about him felt differently. Everywhere, people preferred to grasp some other concept. Preferred to think that love is conditional. Preferred hearts that could not bleed, that couldn’t ache.
Preferred something he just could not understand.
That he knew differently, I cannot take credit for.
He was the teacher.

And, I pray I have learned his lessons well.
“…Mom, love is something you just give, and then if you are very lucky the person earns it.”

I offer my hand in friendship. And, my heart in love.

by Lynne Marien
06/01/00

All writings in this series
Copyright © 2000 * Lynne Marien
Published by larryrobison.org

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Lynne Marien is the mother of murder victim Jim Marien. Lynne learned from her son, the act of forgiveness even though at first it was against her will. From the grave, Jim worked tirelessly on his mother's heart to let her know that he had forgiven his murderer and that is what he wanted her to do as well. Jim knew that was the only way that his mother would find any peace after his untimely death. Even so, it takes incredible courage for family members of murder victims to forgive one who has inflicted so much suffering and pain by taking the life of a dear loved one.

Thank you Jim and Lynne for understanding that we all have more in common than differences. And thank you Lynne for the words above written especially to comfort those of us who have had to live with knowing that one we love has done harm to one that you love. Neither situation is easy, but we can learn to support each other in our grief and sorrow.

I salute you Lynne, for your courage, strength and kindness. May God bless you and comfort your aching heart.

~~deathrowsister

Please read Lynne's inspiring story - Jim's Way