Ordinary Day by Lynne Marien

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an ordinary day

I spent the day weeping. The cruelties of the world sat down upon my chest and breathing came with difficulty. Oh, how I missed my son. The agony was far too great for my tiny heart. Surely it would break. How could it not? My beautiful, smiling child would never again embrace me, except when I lay down to dream. He’d never again be present at our dinner table, except in that empty place I set for those whose presence is only there in our hearts. Gone the arched eyebrow, the laugh which came so easily, the proud and humble countenance of Jim. For all time while I walk this world, I must mourn the passing of my (somewhat imperfect) angel from this world to that.

Anger grips me anew. Rage as I have never known before consumes me. There can be no comparison of the peace that once was and this, the now. Overwhelmed, I must take refuge that none of this has stopped the man-child’s ability to reach, to touch… even me.

And for a little while I am that other mother. Grief grows larger in her shoes. I look upon my son who killed that other mother’s child and I know in my heart there is nothing I can say to that woman that is acceptable. I cry for her. I agonize over my own inadequacies to have prevented this for their precious son, for them and for my son. I weep for her loss and my own. But, please God, by some miracle save my son, anyway.

Then, finally back to myself, simply Jim’s mom, I know again how very lucky I have been… and how blessed.

The anger quiets. The rage leaves as a tide going out to sea. I am again… simply… sad.

Another day passes…

by Lynne Marien
05/19/00

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Lynne Marien is the mother of murder victim Jim Marien. Lynne learned from her son, the act of forgiveness even though at first it was against her will. From the grave, Jim worked tirelessly on his mother's heart to let her know that he had forgiven his murderer and that is what he wanted her to do as well. Jim knew that was the only way that his mother would find any peace after his untimely death. Even so, it takes incredible courage for family members of murder victims to forgive one who has inflicted so much suffering and pain by taking the life of a dear loved one.

Thank you Jim and Lynne for understanding that we all have more in common than differences. And thank you Lynne for the words above written especially to comfort those of us who have had to live with knowing that one we love has done harm to one that you love. Neither situation is easy, but we can learn to support each other in our grief and sorrow.

I salute you Lynne, for your courage, strength and kindness. May God bless you and comfort your aching heart.

~~deathrowsister

Please read Lynne's inspiring story - Jim's Way
How to link to writings by Lynne Marien