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Dear Ones,
If you are reading this it means I am gone. I wanted
to write each of you a long personal letter sharing my thoughts
and feelings about what you've meant to me in this life, but most
of you know what a poor correspondent and world class procrastinator
I am, and, as my date of departure drew near and things like letter
writing and social interaction seemed less and less important, I
came to realize that if I did not take time to sit down, collect
my thoughts, and put them in writing they'd probably be left unsaid.
And since there are so many things in general that I wanted to share
with you all, I decided to just put them in an open letter.
First, I want to say that I love you all, more than
words can express. It has been an honor and privilege "doing
time" with all of you during this incarnation. Yes, we are
all just doing time, as my friend Bo Lozoff has put it, no matter
which side of the bars we're on. Doing time and space in this prison
house of the body. And as creatures who were born into these bodies
we are all under the sentence of death. Just think of it - we're
all prisoners and we're all under the sentence of death - a strangely
comforting thought since it makes us all equal. However, as I once
replied when asked by a "freeworld" correspondent what
penitentiary life was like, "These places (prisons) are undoubtedly
the severest testing grounds for the human spirit ever devised."
But I think I also qualified that statement by allowing that all
in all, I had no complaints because this particular place I have
been living in was not as severe as it could have been. And at any
rate the lessons we have all come to learn can best be learned in
whatever prison we happen to find ourselves in. Another observation
I have always made to the dear ones outside these walls is that
your prison cell may be a little more spacious than mine but when
freedom is your goal, size makes little difference, except that
a smaller cell offers fewer distractions when seeking the escape
hatch. So I have been fortunate in this respect and in even greater.
. . . .
To most people, perhaps, it may appear that my life
was an abject failure. I can hear them now, "He had everything
going for him and he threw it all away" and "What a tragic
waste of human potential." But appearances are deceiving more
often than not. The truth of the matter is that, except for the
events associated with me coming to death row, I've led a fairly
unremarkable life. I think it is safe to say that in this life I
left no bad thing undone and did nothing in general to commend myself
to either God or man. In fact, there has only been one good thing
that I ever did. That one thing was that I met Sant Ajaib Singh
Ji, a Living Master, a Perfect Saint who is God's Representative
on earth, who I recognized and received the Holy Initiation of Naam
from. And it has been that thing which has made all the difference.
Without it, all the good deeds in the world would have been for
naught. Because of it, despite my countless transgressions, my life
has been crowned with success. Yet I cannot claim the credit for
even that one thing for it was all a gift by the grace of God. Through
it God used me to touch the lives of everyone who has ever come
into contact with me.
I can never hope to repay this
incredible gift. I can only be amazed and grateful that this is
how the infinite power of God manifests itself; through unconditional
love, mercy and forgiveness.
Of course, He is the Supreme Giver and we are merely
the receptacles; for such we were created. Yet here is a wonderful
secret: Even as receptacles we are given the opportunity to become
co-givers and co-creators with the One - through transforming our
desire to receive for the self alone to the desire to receive for
the sake of sharing with others. This is our true purpose - to become
channels for the Infinite Light and Love and discover the magic
of selfless service. If we do not choose to be servants of the Devine
Will it is we who will be the losers.
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